Four Catholic ladies are having coffee together. The first one tells her friends, “My son is a priest. When he walks into a room, everyone calls him ‘Father’.”

The second Catholic woman chirps, “My son is a Bishop. Whenever he walks into a room, people say, ‘Your Grace’.”

The third Catholic woman says smugly, “My son is a Cardinal. Whenever he walks into a room, people say, ‘Your Eminence’.”

The fourth Catholic woman sips her coffee in silence. The first three women give her this subtle “Well…..?” She replies, “My son is a gorgeous, 6’2”, hard bodied stripper. When he walks into a room, people say, ‘Oh my God…’.”

Bless me Father, for I have sinned. I have been with a loose woman.”

The priest asks, “Is that you, little Tommy O’Shaughnessy?”

“Yes, Father, it is.”

“And, who was the woman you were with?”

“I can’t be tellin’ you, Father. I don’t want to ruin her reputation.”

“Well, Tommy, I’m sure to find out sooner or later, so you may as well tell me now. Was it Brenda O’Malley?”

“I cannot say.”

“Was it Patricia Kelly?”

“I’ll never tell.”

“Was it Lizzy Shannon?”

“I’m sorry, but I can’t name her.”

“Was it Cathy Morgan?”

“My lips are sealed.”

“Was it Fiona McDonald, then?”

“Please, Father, I cannot tell you.”

The priest sighs in frustration. “You’re a steadfast lad, Tommy O’Shaughnessy, and I admire that. But you’ve sinned, and you must atone. You cannot attend church mass for three months. Be off with you now.”

Tommy walks back to his pew. His friend Sean slides over and whispers, “What’d you get?”

“Three month’s vacation and five good leads!”

A guy in Paris saw a pit bull attacking a toddler. He killed the pit bull and saved the child’s life. Reporters swarmed the fellow.

“Tell us! What’s your name? All Paris will love you! Tomorrow’s headlinewill be: ‘Hero Saves Girl from Vicious Dog!’”

The guy says, “But I’m not from Paris.”

Reporters: “That’s OK. Then the whole of France will love you and tomorrow’s headline will read: ‘Hero Saves Girl from Vicious Dog!’”

The guy says, “I’m not from France, either.”

Reporters: “That’s OK also. All Europe will love you. Tomorrow’s headlines will shout: ‘Hero Saves Girl from Vicious Dog!’”

The guy says, “I’m not from Europe, either.”

Reporters: “So, where are you from?”

The guy says, “I’m from Israel.”

Reporters: “Oh. In that case, tomorrow’s headlines will say ‘Israeli Kills Girl’s Dog!’”

There were 3 good arguments that Jesus was Black: 1. He called everyone “brother”. 2. He liked Gospel. 3. He couldn’t get a fair trial.

But then there were 3 equally good arguments that Jesus was Jewish: 1. He went into His Father’s business. 2. He lived at home until he was 33. 3. He was sure his Mother was a virgin and his mother was sure he was God.

But then there were 3 equally good arguments that Jesus was Italian: 1. He talked with his hands. 2. He had wine with every meal. 3. He used olive oil.

But then there were 3 equally good arguments that Jesus was a Californian: 1. He never cut his hair. 2. He walked around barefoot all the time. 3. He started a new religion.

But then there were 3 equally good arguments that Jesus was Irish: 1. He never got married. 2. He was always telling stories. 3. He loved green pastures.

But the most compelling evidence of all. Here are 3 proofs that Jesus was a woman: 1. He fed a crowd at a moment’s notice when there was no food. 2. He kept trying to get a message across to a bunch of men who just didn’t get it. 3. And even when he was dead, he had to get up because there was more work to do.