1. Who Represents provides contact information for celebrities and their representatives: WhorePresents.com

2. Therapist Finder helps you find the therapist who’s perfect for you: TheRapistFinder.com

3. Plastics Exchange is bringing the plastics market to you: PlasticSexChange.com

4. Parts Express is your number one source for audio, video and speaker building components: PartSexPress.com

5. Go Tahoe helps you plan your next vacation to Lake Tahoe, something for everyone: GotAHoe.com

6. Scent of Art for all your artistic needs: ScentoFart.com

7. Radio Cook Islands was set up in the 1970s by the Government of the Cook Islands: www.Radio.Co.ck - if you can’t find it, try Google.Co.ck

8. Choose Spain advertises property in Spain: ChoosesPain.com

9. NY Canal provides information about canals located in New York State: NYCAnal.com

10. Childrens Wear is your complete one-stop shop for buying branded childrenswear and nursery products: ChildrenSwear.co.uk

A man walked into a bank in New York City one day and asked for the loan officer.

He told the loan officer he was going to the Philippines on business for two weeks and needed to borrow $5,000. The bank officer told him the bank would need some form of security for the loan.

Then the man handed over the keys to a new Ferrari parked on the street in front of the bank. He produced the title and everything checked out, the loan officer agreed to accept the car as collateral for the loan. The bank’s president and its officers all enjoyed a good laugh at the guy for using a $250,000 Ferrari as collateral against a $5,000 loan.

An employee of the bank then drove the Ferrari into the bank’s underground garage and parked it there. Two weeks later, the guy returned, repaid the $5,000 and the interest, which came to $15.41.

The loan officer said, “Sir, we are very happy to of have had this transaction which has worked out very nicely, but we are a little puzzled. While you were away, we checked you out and found you are a multi millionaire. What puzzles us is, why would you bother to borrow “$5,000”.

The millionaire replied, “Where else in New York City can I park my car for $15.41 and expect it to be there when I return?”

1. The bandage was wound around the wound.

2. The farm was used to produce produce.

3. The dump was so full that it had to refuse more refuse.

4. We must polish the Polish furniture.

5. He could lead if he would get the lead out.

6. The soldier decided to desert his dessert in the desert.

7. Since there is no time like the present, he thought it was time to present the present.

8. A bass was painted on the head of the bass drum.

9. When shot at, the dove dove into the bushes.

10. I did not object to the object.

11. The insurance was invalid for the invalid.

12. There was a row among the oarsmen about how to row.

13. They were too close to the door to close it.

14. The buck does funny things when the does are present.

15. A seamstress and a sewer fell down into a sewer line.

16. To help with planting, the farmer taught his sow to sow.

17. The wind was too strong to wind the sail.

18. After a number of injections my jaw got number.

19. Upon seeing the tear in the painting I shed a tear.

20. I had to subject the subject to a series of tests.

21. How can I intimate this to my most intimate friend?

2000 pounds of Chinese soup: Won ton

Time between slipping on a peel and smacking the pavement: 1 bananosecond

365.25 days of drinking low-calorie beer because it’s less filling: 1 lite year

Half of a large intestine: 1 semicolon

Basic unit of laryngitis: 1 hoarsepower

Shortest distance between two jokes: A straight line

1 million-million microphones: 1 megaphone

1 million bicycles: 2 megacycles

52 cards: 1 decacards

1 millionth of a fish: 1 microfiche

1 trillion pins: 1 terrapin

1. AQUADEXTROUS (ak wa deks’trus) adj. Possessing the ability to turn the bathtub tap on and off with your toes.

2. CARPERPETUATION (kar’pur pet u ashun) n. The act, when vacuuming, of running over a string or a piece of lint at least a dozen times, reaching over and picking it up, examining it, then putting it back down to give the vacuum one more chance.

3. DISCONFECT (dis kon fekt’) v. To sterilize the piece of confection (lolly) you dropped on the floor by blowing on it, assuming this will somehow “remove” all the germs.

4. ELBONICS (el bon’iks) n. The actions of two people maneuvering for one armrest in a movie theatre.

5. FRUST (frust) m. The small line of debris that refuses to be swept onto the dust pan and keeps backing a person across the room until he finally decides to give up and sweep it under the rug.

6. LACTOMANGULATION (lak’to man gyu lay’ shun) n. Manhandling the “open here” spout on a milk container so badly that one ohas to resort to the “illegal” side.

7. PEPPIER (peph ee ay’) n. The waiter at a fancy restaurant whose sole purpose seems to be walking around asking diners if they want fresh ground pepper.

8. PHONESIA (fo nee’ zhuh) n. The affliction of dialing a phone number and forgetting whom you were calling just as they answer.

9. PUPKUS (pup’kus) n. The moist residue left on a window after a dog presses its nose to it.

10. TELECRASTINATION (tel e kras tin ay’ shun) n. The act of always letting the phone ring at least twice before you pick it up, even when you’re only six inches away.

NAME ___________________________________

GANG NAME _____________________________

FOSTER NAME ___________________________

1. Johnny has an AK-47 with a 40 round clip. If he misses 6 out of ten shots and shoots 13 rounds at every drive by shooting, how many drive by shootings can he attend before he has to reload? What is the Maximum number of people he can hit?

2. Jose has 2 ounces of cocaine. If he sells an 8 ball to Antonio for $320 and 2 grams to Juan for $85 per gram, what is the street value of the rest of his hold?

3. Rufus pimps 3 hoes. If the price is $85 per trick, how many tricks per day must each ho turn to support Rufus’ $800 per day crack habit?

4. Jerome wants to cut the pound of cocaine he bought for $40,000 to make 20% profit. How many ounces will he need?

5. Willie gets $200 for a stolen BMW, $150 for stealing a Corvette, and $100 for a 4x4. If he steals 1 BMW, 2 Corvettes, and 3 4x4’s, how many more Corvettes must he steal to have $900?

6. Raoul got 6 years for murder, He also got $10,000 for the hit. If his common-law wife spends $100 per month, how much money will be left when he gets out?

**Extra credit question: How much more time will he get for killing the ho that spent his money??

1. If an average can of spray paint covers 22 square feet and the average letter is 3 square feet , how many letters can be sprayed with 3 eight ounce cans of spray paint?

2. Hector knocked up 3 girls in the gang. There are 27 girls in his gang. What is the exact percentage of girls Hector knocked up?

3. Bernie is a lookout for the gang. Bernie has a boa constrictor that eats 3 small rats per week at a cost of $5 per rat. if Bernie makes $700 a week as a lookout, how many weeks can he feed the boa with one weeks salary?

4. Thelma can cook dinner for her 16 children for $7.50 per night. She gets $234 a month welfare for each child. If her $325 per month rent goes up 15 percent, how many more children should she have to keep up with her expenses?

5. Salvdor was arrestted for dealing crack and his bail was set at $25,000. If he pays a bail bondsman 12 percent and returns to Mexico, how much money will he lose by jumping bail?

6. Billy steals Joe’s skateboard. As Billy skates away at 35 mph, Joe loads his 357 Magnum. If it takes Joe 20 seconds to load his Magnum, how far away will Billy be when he gets whacked?

**** REMEMBER : SAY NO TO DRUGS, GOOD LUCK & NO TALKING ****