2000 pounds of Chinese soup: Won ton

Time between slipping on a peel and smacking the pavement: 1 bananosecond

365.25 days of drinking low-calorie beer because it’s less filling: 1 lite year

Half of a large intestine: 1 semicolon

Basic unit of laryngitis: 1 hoarsepower

Shortest distance between two jokes: A straight line

1 million-million microphones: 1 megaphone

1 million bicycles: 2 megacycles

52 cards: 1 decacards

1 millionth of a fish: 1 microfiche

1 trillion pins: 1 terrapin